Tuesday, June 12, 2007

understanding

When I became a mother, I knew that there will definitely be many changes in my life. I became excited knowing that there are many things in store for me and my family. I was expecting changes in many dimension that will be life's lessons. I was both afraid and excited at the same time, worried about many things at all fronts. At times a certain sense of inadequacy scares me but that is always erased by His grace. Knowing that most probably all mothers was a first time mom once in their lives. Still nothing prepared me for the lessons that I've been learning the past weeks. It was a roller coaster of realization after another that I cannot even begin to share exactly the many changes both happy and melancholy. The most striking realization is absolutely at its simplest form. I realize now that I can completely understand my mother. When I was young, for many many years, I've always wondered why my mama kept silent most of the time. I cannot undertand her silence. At that time, I saw it differently. I was surrounded by a happy bunch of relatives, to describe them as talkative is an understatement. I've always wondered why, she was always quiet. She speaks her mind at important concerns but it was mostly for our concern. Now, I can honestly say that I understand her. I believe that she chose to be silent. I can now truly understand the reasons why she opt to be silent. I cannot share for now the circumstances at the time and now why this realization came about. Suffice it to say that my own learning process as a mom has helped me deal with the past that I thought was not significant anymore at present. Indeed all of our experience in life formed us to be the persons we are today. It has been 18 years since my mom died. God bless you Mama!

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My father in law, Amat's Dad passed away last Sunday morning. God bless you Dad. Thank you for the love. Albeit our time together was short, indeed it was blessing .

1 comment:

Pie said...

sis, so sorry about your dad in law. i pray for his eternal repose. i pray for your family's strength, esp. amats. take care. ;)