Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Con mi amor, Filipinas

Today am filled with mixed emotions. I never thought that I would cry for my country. I had this vague idea that those emotions are reserved for the likes of Rizal or Ninoy and I do not consider myself in their league so to speak. I was almost ambivalent to what is happening around me for the past weeks. I even participated in the unflagging Filipino way of dealing with adversity by finding the humor in these things. I guess that is uniquely us.

A few days ago I revealed to a sister some thoughts about migrating to another country. She knows that in the past I am not even thinking of living in a foreign land. (Remembering the time that I wrote a note to the US embassy upon my return from the US--how can you judge people's hearts? I have never wanted to live in the US)If not for a business trip I will not be going there.

My husband also, we are on the same level that living in another country is not for us. I told Riags that I do not ever want to change my citizenship. I love to travel and visit other countries and that is it.

Riags said that she is happy that I have opened up to the idea. It is for several reasons that we thought about it, future and security of our children, financial mainly. You cannot blame people for their exodus for greener pastures. Days past and thoughts of making concrete steps to realize this plan made me sad. Thoughts like, I cannot leave my country to be second class citizen in another. I do not want my children to be raised in a foreign culture. I want them to learn Tagalog as their mother tongue.

But as I stand on the sidelines and look at what is happening now, to the contrary it has in a way made me realize how much I love my country more. An urge to help her be better. How? I do not know exactly. But I know I wouldn't be helping the Philippines if I migrate in another country.

Eventually other circumstance might lead us to do leave but definitely and I am certain that we will come back. If ever that sad thought happens.

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