Water Baby

Welcome to Baby Kailani. Congratulations to my friend Toni for another happy underwater delivery of her second baby. She gave birth at home. This is the second time that she had this very natural way of giving birth.

Our close friends Ryan and Cherrie De Pedro were also blessed with a beautiful baby girl Celine.

There is just a deep joy that goes around when a newborn is in our midst. Before I thought all those Hallmark qoutes were just that but it is true. Little babies are a bundle of joy. The initial difficulties of adjustment is temporary and more often than not it is easily forgotten when you hold that small human being in your arms.

The greatest miracle of all. The miracle of life. (kesong keso hehehe)

Sagada on Fire

Years ago, my friend Elnora visited Sagada during November 1. I was amazed to see her pictures of a hill on fire. She said the hill appears to be on fire because the local highlanders use firewood to light the grave of their ancestors instead of using candles. An image that got me interested in visiting Sagada during this time of the year. On Nov 1, 2002, I visited Sagada. I think it was my 5th time to this wonderfully peaceful town hidden in the mountains. But it was the first time that I visited during the rainy season at this time of the year. At dusk coming from a trek in Bomod-ok falls we literally saw smoke rising from a hillside.

Thank you to aiel of multiply for the image

Visiting Our Ancestors

November 1 and 2 are holidays here in the Philippines. All Saint's Day and All Souls' day. Commonly known as "Undas". The whole country is on the move to go back to their provinces, to their families, to their ancestors. It is a time for most people to have family reunions at their ancestral houses. Families together with children bring flowers and light candles at the cemetery. All over the country the landscape of these desolate places become pulsing with activity come rain or shine.

When I was a child in Alaminos in Laguna, I remember my lola and aunt will teach me how to arrange the flowers we bought a day earlier (so that the price is still lower). We arrange the flowers usually white calla lillies and gladiolas in old empty cans filled with fleshy banana trunks or gabi (taro) stems to keep them fresh the whole day in the usually scorching heat. Some relatives arrive. After lunch we take a short jeepney ride to town and walk with the masses and masses of people flooding the small eskinita to the "sementeryo". We get to see relatives that we rarely see. I am told that this is my great grand lolo and that my grand aunt. I can do our family tree just this time of the year. It is like reconnecting with our ancestors.

Upon arriving at our small lot where my lolo and sister and other relatives are buried, we offer up our prayers for their souls. Even at a young age every year I am reminded of our humanity. About life and death. One cannot comprehend the pain that goes with the passing of a loved one. But there is hope as we are continually reminded.

The memories of my youngest sister Vicky, Mama, Lola Abeng and Inay Tita Ching. Women very very close to my heart. I am happy now that they do not hurt anymore. Their lives are an inspiration and their love molded me to who I am today. I offer my prayer to their souls. God bless my dear ones!

my photo of the underwater sementeryo in Camiguin Island in 2005.

a wish come true

Today, I realized that small joys can indeed be big joys as well. However simple your wish when it comes true, the feeling of elation is almost palpable. I have an Amazon wish list that is basically a wish list for my baby. It is a short list of simple everyday things. I remember when I was making the list and uploading it in the web. Ask and you shall receive. Well who knows someone might send me one of those. I made the wish in this www universe and received in return. Thank you Father!

It is not a big deal but I feel that it is to have one of my wishes come true. Today, lo and behold, we received one of the items in that Amazon wish list-- A hand-puppet that you can use while bathing the baby. Simple pleasure.

Thank you very much Abbie Tomas-Mendez. Hugs to my inaanak Buhay! Salamat Earl for sending it to Amats!

God is good all the time.

Bakuna

Nitong isang araw nagpabakuna kami ni Isay. Kasama rin namin si Tatay dahil siya lagi ang humahawak kay beybi kung tuturukan na ng bakuna. Naalala ko pa noong una kaming napadpad sa may health center. Noong una hindi pa namin alam kaya't bumili kami ng isang pang bakuna at dinala namin siya sa kaibigang doktor sa may Pag asa QC. Medyo mahirap dahil kahit libre ang labor ng pagturok ang kaso lang gabi na ang clinic ni doc. Nabalitaan ko sa kapatid ko na sa center libre ang mga basic na turok, bcg, hepa, dpt, polio. Sa halagang 10. Opo sampung pisong donasyon sa iyong lokal na health center.

At ayun na nga napadpad na kami sa center na siyang hinanap pa ni Amats dito sa baranggay central. Mga isang buwan pa lamang halos noon si Isay ng dalhin namin siya sa center sa may pinyahan. Ang sabi ng tao sa center maaga daw pumunta dun para mauna makakuha ng number. Mga alas 8 ang bukas nila kaya dapat daw ay bago mag alad 7 ng umaga kami. Karay namin si beybi at dumating kami bago mag alas 8.

Hay! kay dami ng mga beybi. Andun na ang iba ng 6 ng umaga. Ang gaganda at gwapo gid! iba't-iba ang laki at hugis na totoo namang nakakagigil. Natuwa kami na makakita ng ganun kadaming beybi. Si Amats ay ilan lang sa mga 3 tatay doon at puro nanay na. Kwentuhan sa loob ng maliit na kwarto ang dami ng tao ay humigit kumulang mga 80 katao kasama na mga nanay, beybi at ilang yaya, lola, kapitbahay at iba pa. Medyo tumagal kami dun dahil ang tagal bago dumating ni lola nurse na siyang nagtuturok.

Habang nag iintay at pinapawisan sa alinsangan ng umaga, halo-halong istorya ang maririnig mo sa paligid. nakakatuwang makipag huntahan sa mga nanay. Mga kwento sa pag kabinat matapos manganak. Paglalaba kahit wala pang isang buwan ng panganganak. At eto pa, may namatay daw na nanay dahil sa binat kakilala ni manang. Tuloy ang mga kwento wala pa rin si lola nurse. Sa paligid yugyugan dibdib ng mga nanay na nagpapatulog sa kanilang beybi, ilang nanay naman walang pakundangan ang pagtataas ng t-shirt at bigay agad ang suso para kay beybi niya na umiiyak na habang tuloy naman ang pikikipag kwentuhan kay katabing nanay na parang walang ibang tao. Nakakatuwa parang nasa umpukan kami ng mga katutubong nanay.

Habang minamasdan ko itong eksena na ito, dama ko ang hirap ng maraming pinoy na nanay na gustong makatipid. Pero habang tumatagal ako sa pakikinig sa kanila nalaman ko na ito ay isang paraan din para makihalobilo sa iba pang nanay sa baranggay. Isang paraan ng pakikipagkapwa. Natuwa ako ng maiisip ko ito. Masaya na mahirap. Punong puno ng kwento at kulay. Sobrang lumaki ang puso ko na isa na rin pala akong nanay tulad nila.

Ang lahat ng ito dahil sa bakuna ni Isay.

naisip ko rin ang mga katutubong nanay at beybi.


salamat sa www.alibata.org para sa litrato na ito

Isipin mong siya’y may puso rin katulad mo

Ang Bayan Kong Sinilangan
Asin

Ako’y isinilang sa isang bayan ng cotabato
Kasing gulo ng tao, kasing gulo ng mundo
Dahil di magkasundo sa relihiyon at prinsipyo, nagkagulo.
Ang bayan ko sa cotabato, kasing gulo ng isip ko
Di alam kung saan nanggaling, di alam kung saan patungo
Kapatid sa kapatid, laman sa laman
Sila-sila ang naglalaban, di ko alam ang dahilan ng gulo.
Bakit nagkaganon, ang sagot sa tanong ko
Bakit kayo nagkagulo, bakit kayo nag-away
Prinsipyo mo’y igagalang ko kung ako’y iyong nirespeto
Kung nagtulungan kayo, di sana magulo ang bayan ko.
Sa bayan kong sinilangan, sa timog cotabato
Ako ay namulat sa napakalaking gulo
Dahil walang respeto sa prinsipyo ng kapwa tao
Kapwa pilipino ay pinapahirapan mo, ang gulo.
Ako’y nananawagan, humihingi ng tulong n’yo
Kapayapaa’y bigyan ng daan, kapayapaan sa bayan ko
Bakit kailangan pang maglaban, magkapatid kayo sa dugo
Kailan kayo magkakasundo, kapayapaa’y kailan matatamo ng bayan ko?
Kung ako’y may maitutulong, tutulong nang buong puso
Gitara ko’y aking inaalay, kung magkagulo’y gamitin mo
Kung ang kalaba’y walang puso, puso na rin ang gamitin mo
Ituring mong isang kaibigan
Isipin mong siya’y may puso rin katulad mo.
Coda:
Sa bayan kong sinilangan (bakit may gulo…)
Sa timog cotabato (sa timog cotabato)
Ako ay namulat (kailan matatapos…)
Sa napakalaking gulo (ang gulo)
Dahil walang respeto (kailan magkakasundo…)
Sa prinsipyo ng kapwa tao (ang tao)
Kapwa pilipino (kapwa pilipino…)
Ay kinakalaban mo (bakit kinalaban mo)
Ang gulo

Ang kilay lolo

Ay naku minsan talaga mapapataas ka talaga ng kilay. May mga panahon talaga na susubukan ka talaga kung gaano kahaba ang iyong pasensya. Panalo ka pag hindi ka naiinis. Wagi ka sister!

Words

“Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts”.
-Robert Fulghum

It is really sad to be mis-interpreted. I read words today that almost broke my sense of h-humor. Even with the best intention and honestly saying how you feel, I guess things have that probability of being mis-interpreted. People will read differently what you wrote. For the record, I have always believed in the goodness of people and will never try to break their spirit. But the words today that I have received were unexpected to say the least.

I should take my own counsel. Again it is better to be kind than correct. I realized as we grow older, we mellow out a little bit at a time. Today is another learning experience to be more sensitive with my choice of words.

About things

There were some insights that I learned today. I guess I already knew these before but I was reminded once again

About winning games: strength of spirit and character over physical strength. You can be strong even if you are weak physically.

About beauty: for my own definition, I believe that the measure of beauty comes from within. Inner beauty as compared to skin-deep beauty is what really matters. The disposition of your heart when you talk about friends and family.

About respect: respect for other people's privacy. We all are entitled to our own. Thus, we must be really carefull in drawing the line between wanting to help someone who might not be ready to accept any that is unsolicited which can be interpreted as intruding into another person's privacy. Even if you are intimate friends for the longest time. And yes even if it is your brother or sister.

About correction: criticize in private and praise in public. When correcting people, do it in the most loving manner. It is better to be kind than correct.

A birth and a wedding

Congratulations to Ryan and Cherrie for having a baby girl. We hope that baby girl De Pedro be showered with blessings of good health. We send our love from Amats and Isay your batchmate.

Congratulations too to Bruce and Therese our friend from Lakay Kalikasan Mountaineers Rommel Monjandrin a.k.a. Brutz recently tied the knot in Pagadian City. We wish you the best bro!!! May your journey as a couple be blessed indeed. Their wedding pictures were taken by my batchmate Wigwam (Go! batch 3)on his Oct 2 blog post you can view them here.

Storms in our lives

Wow the past week was a roller coaster of events moving in the universe. There was typhoon Milenyo that humbled metro manila residents and got the people to seriously think of getting those billboards down. We were actually expecting Neneng the back to back storm of Milenyo but there is greater power in the universe amazingly if you look into the path of the storm it was a direct hit again but Neneng turned towards the direction of Japan in a most unusual storm path I saw.

I remembered a time when we were out in the open sea on Minerva (the research vessel of WWF Phil for Tubbataha) we were caught in the storm and we were with Dr. T. I will not mention the name but he is a known seagrass expert in the field he is actually already a great grand father (you can imagine his age) well, most of us is not worried but we realized na praning na pala kasama namin as he had his snorkel and mask beside him while he slept in one of the bunk beds. It was really funny at that time. Funny but serious Kung meron ba nun.

This was one of those times that the passage came to me when Jesus and the apostles were in a storm out at sea and Jesus said "Be, still".

Eh kasi walang kuryente!

It was because of typhoon Milenyo last Thursday that hit Metro Manila that damaged most of Southern Luzon and caused the 3 day blackout. We got our power back just last night. When there is no power, there is no pump ergo we also didn't have water. The only good thing is that we didn't have shortage of food and that most of Isay's clothes were clean already when the blackout hit us. A friend said it was crazy in Eunilane and then all of the resto on Matalino St. were closed KFC, McDo, 7Eleven, Bacolod Chicken and others except for Kowloon House which looked like a soup kitchen serving a very long line of people waiting to grab a siopao or a wanton noodle soup.

It was just 3 days without power and yet it really seemed more like a week. It brings back memories of life in the islands and how I really appreciated having piped in water here in the metropolis. The novelty of island living like fetching water from a well didn't really bother me at all compared to the tiresome hauling of pails of water 3 floors up the last few days. Well it's a good thing that Tatay Amats did all the pagiigib ng tubig hehehe.

Without electricity life seems to stop still in the metro. I remember in the islands we really only have electricity from 5 pm until 10 pm from a communal generator. During those days I learned to operate a generator if I needed to do some computer work while working during those months in the field. In the Islands, the laid-back life goes on even without power I guess it's the different way of life and energy of the people living along the coastal areas.

For entertainment we had long conversations on the beach. Our staff house is literally on the beach and every night I am lulled to sleep by the waves coming onto shore. I miss those times when the kids will teach me how to speak survival Tausug under the moonlight until their parents called them in for dinner. We had a guitar and we'll sing till dawn. Haaay...many good memories are un-tucked during these days na walang kuryente.

What would you do if you were Bruce?

We had a good discussion about Bruce Almighty. It just brings to perspective that when God allows you to have all the power in the world, what would you do? You have power over everything except for one thing. Can you remember what it was? hehehe

Everytime I remember this movie it makes me smile that God indeed has a sense of humor.

3 months na si Isay 30 naman si Tatay

Piliin kung alin.

Godspeed AG

This is to send off our very good friend AG Sano to his "sailing" adventure. All I can do last night was to send him an sms just before his flight at 10:30pm with safe travel and reassurance that we will always be here for him. I want to honor this friend of ours who was there for us when we really needed help. Godspeed AG. Bring us back stories of great places and exotic cultures you will discover in this new journey. Send our regards to Captain Jack!

Whoopsie doo my blog turns 2

In a few minutes my blog will be exactly two years old. It was Sept 21st 2004 when I started er discovered the joys and woes of blogging. It has been a great 2 years but still in my toddler years as a writer. I hope someday when I get to practice more I will be a better writer for there is no other lesson how to learn to write but just write and write like what Judith Juntilla says to me when I told her I want to be a good writer. And of course to learn good writing is to read good writers thats why I have my blog roll of friends(wink!)

Last year to celebrate I had this mini-contest of sort with 3 participants who all won prizes (yehey!) but this year I don't know how to celebrate. Well lets celebrate for a week or two until the month ends. You can email me your suggestions :O)

si Hinata

Ay ang dami ko dapat isulat. Ilan sa mga kailangan sa lalong madaling panahon ay mga technical writing na kailangan talaga mag sunog ng kilay. Dahil sa kababasa ko lang sa mga true stories ng mga taong nanalo sa Palanca Awards, na-inspire ako na sumulat ng sumulat. Basta sumulat lang dito sa blog. Sobra lang akong natuwa sa kanilang mga kwento kung papano nila nilikha ang kanilang mga "award winning" na mga katha.

May isa nga sa kanila na si Andrada na tinanong kung ano nararamdaman nya sa pagkapanalo nya. Natuwa ako sa sagot nya, "tulad ng nararamdaman ni Hinata kapag nakikita nya si Naruto." Kakatuwa na lubog din sila sa pop culture, malalim mag-isip sa kanilang mga alegorya pero nakaka relate sa mga anime.


Sa mga nakakakilala sa amin ni Amats alam nila na fan kami ni Hinata at Naruto hehehe minsan nga noong wala pang pangalan si Isay nang tinanong ako ni Ian ano pangalan ni baby at biniro ko na Hinata. Bilib kasi ako sa karakter nito.

Isa lang si Hinata sa madaming anime characters. Syempre andyan ang mga Hayao Miyazaki na si Princess Mononoke at Nausicaä (pero sa ibang pagakakataon ko na sila isusulat).

Tama nga si Torres Yu, ang pag journal ay gamot sa pagkati ng mga daliri at isipan. Hindi ka mapakali hangga't hindi mo nasusulat.

Moms

Recently I've been watching "Moms" on Qtv 11. The time slot is good because it is at the end of the day. I find myself really watching specially when the discussion of the talk show is about the many complex issues and challenges of being a mom. I guess I find myself looking for answers in books, through fellow moms and the like because all of my Nanay figures and role models that I look up to regarding motherhood in my immediate family have gone to heaven. I was moved by the experience of the mothers who bared their souls and shared their stories.

I realized that God sent the answers to some of my innermost self-questions of motherhood through the sharings of these moms. I was amazed that my own (for my own time pondering) questions were being answered. My sense of inadequacy for my little one slowly disappear as I learn that many moms are going through the same similar struggles emotionally and physically.

These are some of the messages of the moms to their children:

"Pray. Take risk. Don't be afraid to take risk and make mistakes because we learn a lot by making mistakes"--Lisa Macuja-Elizalde

"Be the best that you can be in life, by doing so, you will not only honor your parents but you will also honor God"--Tetchie Agbayani

While reading the week-old newspaper last Sunday, I stumbled upon the stories about the winners of the 56th Palanca Awards. I found this qoute in an article about Rosario Torres Yu sharing that her panganay cried when she read the essay that she wrote that won the Palanca Award "Batang Tundo".
"Tama nga si Lualhati Bautista, hindi nga nakakapagpakilala ang mga ina sa kanilang mga anak"

Naisipan ko rin na magsulat para balang araw ay makapagpakilala naman ako sa aking anak sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat.

At the UPLB Forestry

Today I traveled 7 hours back and forth to UPLB for an important meeting which lasted only an hour. It breaks my heart every time I leave my little baby behind. But today, I told myself that it would only be for a few hours and I'll be back.

The long bus ride left me with a nausea and a throbbing headache all the while thinking why I have to do this thing. Then I am back there again in LB, as always going back to the campus and seeing the old familiar campus is a trip down memory lane. Almost everything reminds me of something whenever I come back to UPLB. This morning, I realized I miss the mountain air and the trees--- those wonderful, tall and gracious trees. While I was standing waiting for the jeep at the upper campus outside the Forest Science Building, I caught myself yearning to stay longer and be with the trees. I was a bit sad that I can't stay long. It was a reminder why I was led to where I am now, why I am into conservation work and why I love being in the mountains.

I can't wait till we can bring Isay up the mountains.

Mamangka sa luha

In the past month, particularly in the recent weeks, the walls of our small abode has been witness to the flow of tears that some close friends shed. There was one particular morning, a good thing that the three of us are already awake, there was a knock on our door and a very dear friend speechless, shaking, shamelessly shed his tears. My hands were shaking as well as I prepared toast and tea for Amats and our dear friend. It was a different experience to share and actually feel a broken heart.

Amats and I have been a witness and listened in at least three different occasions among very different individual friends ( 3 very different individuals from different circle of friends) who are going through heart aches or recovering from one.

Para din lang kasing mabibiyak ang puso ko pag nakakaranas kami ng mga lumuluha na kaibigan lalo na kung ang "image" nila sa akin ay matitipunong mga lalaki. Nakapagtataka rin lang na karamihan sa kanila ay lalaki at hindi ang mga dalaga namin kaibigan.

Para sa iyo kaibigan. Mahal ka namin. Matagal ko inisip bago ko ito isulat dito pero makaraan ang ilang linggo hindi kasi maalis sa isip ko kaya minarapat ko na na isulat dito.

Nakapagtataka
(J. Paredes)

Walang tigil ang gulo sa aking
pag-iisip
Mula nang tayo'y nagpasyang
maghiwalay
Nagpaalam pagkat hindi tayobagay
Nakapagtataka,oh.


Kung bakit ganito ang a-king
kapalaran
Di ba't ilang ulit ka nang
nagpaalam
At bawat paalam ay puno ng iyakan
Nakapagtataka, nakapagtataka

Chorus:
Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan
Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Bridge:
Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Walang tigil ang ulan
at nasaan ka, araw
Napano na'ng pag-ibig sa isa't
isa
Wala na bang nananatiling pag-asa
Nakapagtataka, saan ka napunta?

Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.oohh

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.