What would you do if you were Bruce?

We had a good discussion about Bruce Almighty. It just brings to perspective that when God allows you to have all the power in the world, what would you do? You have power over everything except for one thing. Can you remember what it was? hehehe

Everytime I remember this movie it makes me smile that God indeed has a sense of humor.

3 months na si Isay 30 naman si Tatay

Piliin kung alin.

Godspeed AG

This is to send off our very good friend AG Sano to his "sailing" adventure. All I can do last night was to send him an sms just before his flight at 10:30pm with safe travel and reassurance that we will always be here for him. I want to honor this friend of ours who was there for us when we really needed help. Godspeed AG. Bring us back stories of great places and exotic cultures you will discover in this new journey. Send our regards to Captain Jack!

Whoopsie doo my blog turns 2

In a few minutes my blog will be exactly two years old. It was Sept 21st 2004 when I started er discovered the joys and woes of blogging. It has been a great 2 years but still in my toddler years as a writer. I hope someday when I get to practice more I will be a better writer for there is no other lesson how to learn to write but just write and write like what Judith Juntilla says to me when I told her I want to be a good writer. And of course to learn good writing is to read good writers thats why I have my blog roll of friends(wink!)

Last year to celebrate I had this mini-contest of sort with 3 participants who all won prizes (yehey!) but this year I don't know how to celebrate. Well lets celebrate for a week or two until the month ends. You can email me your suggestions :O)

si Hinata

Ay ang dami ko dapat isulat. Ilan sa mga kailangan sa lalong madaling panahon ay mga technical writing na kailangan talaga mag sunog ng kilay. Dahil sa kababasa ko lang sa mga true stories ng mga taong nanalo sa Palanca Awards, na-inspire ako na sumulat ng sumulat. Basta sumulat lang dito sa blog. Sobra lang akong natuwa sa kanilang mga kwento kung papano nila nilikha ang kanilang mga "award winning" na mga katha.

May isa nga sa kanila na si Andrada na tinanong kung ano nararamdaman nya sa pagkapanalo nya. Natuwa ako sa sagot nya, "tulad ng nararamdaman ni Hinata kapag nakikita nya si Naruto." Kakatuwa na lubog din sila sa pop culture, malalim mag-isip sa kanilang mga alegorya pero nakaka relate sa mga anime.


Sa mga nakakakilala sa amin ni Amats alam nila na fan kami ni Hinata at Naruto hehehe minsan nga noong wala pang pangalan si Isay nang tinanong ako ni Ian ano pangalan ni baby at biniro ko na Hinata. Bilib kasi ako sa karakter nito.

Isa lang si Hinata sa madaming anime characters. Syempre andyan ang mga Hayao Miyazaki na si Princess Mononoke at Nausicaä (pero sa ibang pagakakataon ko na sila isusulat).

Tama nga si Torres Yu, ang pag journal ay gamot sa pagkati ng mga daliri at isipan. Hindi ka mapakali hangga't hindi mo nasusulat.

Moms

Recently I've been watching "Moms" on Qtv 11. The time slot is good because it is at the end of the day. I find myself really watching specially when the discussion of the talk show is about the many complex issues and challenges of being a mom. I guess I find myself looking for answers in books, through fellow moms and the like because all of my Nanay figures and role models that I look up to regarding motherhood in my immediate family have gone to heaven. I was moved by the experience of the mothers who bared their souls and shared their stories.

I realized that God sent the answers to some of my innermost self-questions of motherhood through the sharings of these moms. I was amazed that my own (for my own time pondering) questions were being answered. My sense of inadequacy for my little one slowly disappear as I learn that many moms are going through the same similar struggles emotionally and physically.

These are some of the messages of the moms to their children:

"Pray. Take risk. Don't be afraid to take risk and make mistakes because we learn a lot by making mistakes"--Lisa Macuja-Elizalde

"Be the best that you can be in life, by doing so, you will not only honor your parents but you will also honor God"--Tetchie Agbayani

While reading the week-old newspaper last Sunday, I stumbled upon the stories about the winners of the 56th Palanca Awards. I found this qoute in an article about Rosario Torres Yu sharing that her panganay cried when she read the essay that she wrote that won the Palanca Award "Batang Tundo".
"Tama nga si Lualhati Bautista, hindi nga nakakapagpakilala ang mga ina sa kanilang mga anak"

Naisipan ko rin na magsulat para balang araw ay makapagpakilala naman ako sa aking anak sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat.

At the UPLB Forestry

Today I traveled 7 hours back and forth to UPLB for an important meeting which lasted only an hour. It breaks my heart every time I leave my little baby behind. But today, I told myself that it would only be for a few hours and I'll be back.

The long bus ride left me with a nausea and a throbbing headache all the while thinking why I have to do this thing. Then I am back there again in LB, as always going back to the campus and seeing the old familiar campus is a trip down memory lane. Almost everything reminds me of something whenever I come back to UPLB. This morning, I realized I miss the mountain air and the trees--- those wonderful, tall and gracious trees. While I was standing waiting for the jeep at the upper campus outside the Forest Science Building, I caught myself yearning to stay longer and be with the trees. I was a bit sad that I can't stay long. It was a reminder why I was led to where I am now, why I am into conservation work and why I love being in the mountains.

I can't wait till we can bring Isay up the mountains.

Mamangka sa luha

In the past month, particularly in the recent weeks, the walls of our small abode has been witness to the flow of tears that some close friends shed. There was one particular morning, a good thing that the three of us are already awake, there was a knock on our door and a very dear friend speechless, shaking, shamelessly shed his tears. My hands were shaking as well as I prepared toast and tea for Amats and our dear friend. It was a different experience to share and actually feel a broken heart.

Amats and I have been a witness and listened in at least three different occasions among very different individual friends ( 3 very different individuals from different circle of friends) who are going through heart aches or recovering from one.

Para din lang kasing mabibiyak ang puso ko pag nakakaranas kami ng mga lumuluha na kaibigan lalo na kung ang "image" nila sa akin ay matitipunong mga lalaki. Nakapagtataka rin lang na karamihan sa kanila ay lalaki at hindi ang mga dalaga namin kaibigan.

Para sa iyo kaibigan. Mahal ka namin. Matagal ko inisip bago ko ito isulat dito pero makaraan ang ilang linggo hindi kasi maalis sa isip ko kaya minarapat ko na na isulat dito.

Nakapagtataka
(J. Paredes)

Walang tigil ang gulo sa aking
pag-iisip
Mula nang tayo'y nagpasyang
maghiwalay
Nagpaalam pagkat hindi tayobagay
Nakapagtataka,oh.


Kung bakit ganito ang a-king
kapalaran
Di ba't ilang ulit ka nang
nagpaalam
At bawat paalam ay puno ng iyakan
Nakapagtataka, nakapagtataka

Chorus:
Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan
Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Bridge:
Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Walang tigil ang ulan
at nasaan ka, araw
Napano na'ng pag-ibig sa isa't
isa
Wala na bang nananatiling pag-asa
Nakapagtataka, saan ka napunta?

Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.oohh

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

30 na si Tatay Amats

Maligayang Bati aming mahal!!!
Tatay Amats Happy Happy Birthday to you.

The wooden frame of Isay's bassinet is hand-made by Tatay Amats. He is not really a carpenter but I was amazed that he was able to put this frame together a few days just before Isay arrived. It was indeed a labor of love. What made it very special is the love, time and effort that Amats spent making this this frame -- measuring the dimensions, canvassing, buying and cutting the wood, borrowing carpentry tools from the grandfather of Joy (of He cares).

I want to honor you today Tatay Amats by sharing it here that you bring much happiness in our lives by loving us simply in your most unique way. You help me see that the most important things in life are not success or being wealthy or the number of things you have accomplished in life or doing what others expect you to be. We may not be rich, but we never lack in anything.

You made me appreciate the most mundane of things can bring us joy. The butterflies we see or the way the dog of our neighbor barks, greeting us on our way or how the small maya birds in our back terrace ate our left over rice. Simple things that otherwise I would have missed, but you helped me appreciate these and much more.

There are many lessons you have taught me about loving unconditionally, trusting and relying on His grace. I am still learning my lessons I guess. Thank you for being understanding of my complex mood swings and other what-nots. There are many more things I want to share but there are also some things that cannot be described.

Today on your 30th birthday, I pray that He shower His grace and blessings on you.

I thank God for you.

Happy na Birthday pa

Double Celebration. Today August 26th is my sister Jinky's birthday. I want to honor my sister today on her birthday for being the loving and maalaga na sister that she is. She took care of baby Isay while I was in UPLB today. We had a small family celebration at home. We had this torta de los reyes from Aristocrat bakeshop our shared birthday and graduation cake. Salamat Tatay Amats for the cake.

It has been a long (starting at 3am)and memorable day. I thank God for the messages He sent me today, for the beautiful people and my loving family. Thank You Lord for that wonderful embrace this morning. My cup overflows.

ang sablay

U.P. Naming Mahal

U.P. naming mahal
Pamantasang hirang
Ang tinig namin
Sana'y iyong dinggin.

Malayong lupain
Amin mang marating
Di rin magbabago ang damdamin
Di rin magbabago ang damdamin

Luntian at pula
Sagisag magpakailan man
Ating ipagdiwang
Bulwagan ng dangal

Humayo't itanghal
Giting at tapang
Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan
Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan

Ika-Sampung Palatuntunan ng Pagtatapos

Today is indeed a blessing. The last time I have a similar picture was 14 years ago.
Assembly at the Student Union Building then a memorable march towards Umali Hall and Freedom park in UPLB. It wasn't raining this early morning, clouds hung low from the foothills of Mt. Makiling, a cool clime that complements our warm anticipation. Today I was able to wear for the first time the University of the Philippines' Sablay which replaced the traditional graduation gown. I felt proud to be Filipino wearing the Sablay more especially because it contains the alibata. I was even excited to match it with my beaded heeled slippers. Pakiramdam ko Pinoy na Pinoy itong graduation na ito dahil ako ay naka tsinelas. Ang saya lang talaga!!!

Seeing fellow classmates who've become good friends over the 5 years I stayed in UPOU, my heart overflowed with a calm gladness and then some.

Being Parents

The title Nanay (Mommy) or Tatay (Daddy) is a distinguished and noble epithet--bestowed upon you by an innocent child---that you earn through years of hard work. That's because giving birth to your baby does not make you a parent. Parenting is a way of life, a skill (you'll have lots of years of practice), and an art (you'll develop great understanding and compassion) that is acquired over time, based on your positive attitude and your unselfish behavior, and through your diligence. To become a parent means you're dedicated to your children and the plight of children everywhere--it is your long term dedication that secures the title.

Parenting is your sacred obligation...Parenting is an all consuming venture--twenty four hours a day for the next twenty one years or more. It is not for the faint of heart, because halfhearted parenting won't do. Pledge yourself to parenting and follow through. You'll receive many blessings if you do. There is no greater work the Almighty has given.

-- Judy Ford, Blessed Expectations

A new way of life that is very challenging for us right now and everyday the most mundane and simplest things about our little Isay brings us joy.

I thank God for this opportunity which I believe will be a lifetime of adventure.

Answered Prayer

One of my greatest fear in life is to be put "under the knife" and be in a hospital. During the months of my pregnancy, due to a possible complication and a condition that I have, we were primed by our ob-gyn that there is a great possibility that I will undergo a c-section.

We eventually did not take the Lamaze class that we planned because of the high chance of having a cs. All those months, I kept praying still asking God to please let me have a normal delivery. We also asked friends and family to please pray for us.

All those months,I kept blocking the thought of going through the whole ordeal of giving birth because of the possible cs. While other pregnant women (I guess these are veteran moms) cannot wait get it over with, I kept thinking please not yet (and other forms of useless anxiety). The time came 4 days after my EDD (expected date of delivery).

Indeed it was an answered prayer. I had a normal delivery. I want to remember this answered prayer by blogging about it. Also to thank all those who prayed for us and to really thank and praise God for it.

There has been many things that I need to be thankful for specially the past few months but because of the recent daily demands I barely can get around to write about it. When I started this blog, one of my reasons was and still is to have a place to write all the blessings that I received, miracles big and small that happened in my daily life. I also tend to not put in many details that are too personal for the public (as if ang daming nagbabasa ng blog na ito :P) Anyway, I tend not to blog about the "down" times or when I am going through some form of the "blues". But I guess this year this (if time permits) will eventually evolve into a more balanced sharing. I realized that much of the life changing events and turning points in my life are those times when I am going through difficult times. I tend not to write about very difficult times for I felt that it is too personal to share. I am also very emotional, very "raw" at the way I express myself at these times that I opt wait it out until the tide of emotions have subsided. I realized I needed to share these as well.

In the coming entries, I will not be ignoring the "blues" but definitely continue to count my blessings.

A Prayer for our little one

Our Isay is 5 weeks old. Isay turned one month July 21st. She is well on her way to her second month. It seems that time passes quickly and yet slowly. The daily routine seems slow and yet the days fly by as we go about learning the way of life of being parents. I believe beaing a parent is a lifetime adventure of learning. It is a great challenge and at times, a bit overwhelming at times. Tonight, I realized our need for constant affirmation and prayers indeed to be able to do this task that we are given--caring for our little one's soul and all her human needs.

I am qouting from the book that has kept me company through these nine months. Here is a few verse of affirmation from Blessed Expectations by Judy Ford.


May our little one be blessed with love, health and spirit. May we parents, be blessed with wisdom, strength and generosity of soul. As we get to know each other and settle in, bless our family with gentle words and loving smiles.

We welcome you into our hearts today. We love you. We love you, little one. We welcome you in our hearts today. We welcome you home.

This is our family. We come together to help each other, to laugh and to grow. Thank you for each unique member...
We are a beautiful bunch

happy proud parents

During her first sun bathing.




We would like to thank all the people who prayed for us and continue to bless our lives. We want to share to you these first images of Isay. Thank you for the love and support of friends and family-- we will not list them here-- you know who you are. Thank you so.

Offerings are still being accepted :O) when you visit (wink, wink)

Isay is born

Amaris Dalisay.

Amaris ( Hebrew word for God's promise) Dalisay (Filipino word for true and pure)

Thank God for the blessing that is Isay. Her birthday is June 21, 2006, 5:10 pm

May you be blessed always.

Foot in my tummy

The other night, I woke up with a movement in my tummy. It was my baby's foot streching inside my tummy. I can actually see the peak formed as it rises and falls back in place again. I lie there awakened by reality that indeed there is a small life inside of me. I cannot even begin to describe the wonder of the experience. Words fail me and words cannot fully describe the miracle of a growing life. I am in awe and at the same time scared. I feel spiritually blessed by the experience and yet troubled by the passing thoughts of inadequacy. But still, the wonder of the moment sustains me to overcome the many challenges and changes that pregnancy brings.

At this moment in time, I am at a turning point in my life. I am here on the 11th hour full of expectant-ness. I treasure this small wonders and changes everyday. I never thought a foot in my tummy would bring waves upon waves of joy and awe.

Pagbati para kay Marianne

Congratulations to Ate Ardis and Kuya Joe Dean for the birth of their 3rd baby at 2a.m. this morning at Capitol Medical. Warm hugs and our blessings for Marianne Grace.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not forgetting an injustice done; it is the understanding that allows us to set aside the emotional impact of that injustice pertaining to ourselves. When we no longer hold those emotions, and have understanding for the person, we have forgiven them.

--Moon Singer

I've been pondering on a recurring issue of forgiveness. I know that I have been a recipient of kindness and of forgiveness. It is really hard to be human. I now deeply appreciate why we should pray the Our Father daily. I believe it is to constantly remind us that we are forgiven and in turn must forgive.

The complex dynamics of life sometimes makes it hard to practice this.

It took a few days for me to stumble upon an answer to some questions playing in my head the past days. It was mostly about how one can just forget and forgive. But as the verse aptly says it is a process of understanding. This process I think is not timebound for most people.

I remember another qoute that goes: we forgive not something we do for other people, we do it for ourselves, to get well and move on.

Final Manuscript

"Plan for what is difficult while it is easy, do what is great while it is small. The most difficult things in the world must be done while they are still easy, the greatest things in the world must be done while they are still small. For this reason sages never do what is great, and this is why they can achieve that greatness."

- Attributed by Sun Tzu to warriors of ancient times.

The first time I encountered this verse was from an email from a friend and classmate in UP Open University as his email signature a few years back when we were struggling with paper work for our Masters program in Environment and Natural Resource Management and that friend graduated with flying colors a year back. Recently, I noticed another friend and classmate now using it as his email signature in our egroups for MENRM. There are several of us still working on our Special Problem-- the last and final requirement for graduation this August 2006.

Looking back, it has been five years since 2001 when I first started this graduate program. The subjects I was taking was complementary to my current work for the past five years. My subjects which I studied on distance learning mode such as biodiversity conservation, coastal zone management, and coastal anthropology among others were really interesting and complemented my work in the field.

Right now, I am very lethargic and my energy almost zapped, reading, and doing some revisions to the final manuscript. Currently, I am still waiting for some more revisions and corrections from adviser and coordinator that I need to submit soon. Hopefully before my EDD (Expected Date of Delivery).

I am amazed that I am almost at the finish line. It was really God's grace and perfect timing that led me to where I am now.

My friend El said "I can't believe you are about to graduate from your masters program, we hang out naman".

I guess it was bit by bit, step by step. Gracia rin lang talaga.

He wants us to "ask"

“Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:24).

I remember being told that when you ask for something you have to be specific with what you ask for. Simple, but sometimes we are the ones who make things complex.

This was yesterday's meditation in the Word Among Us online. I've been intenting to write about this particular passage before but never seemed to get the right words out. I admire those people who really write well and able to express themselves clearly in writing, about their dreams and aspirations.

There were many times that it actually makes me embarassed to "ask" for what I really want in various settings. One is if a friend is taking me out to dinner or treating us, I would hold the menu and just say "go ahead please order for us" always thinking that I might order to much or something out-of-budget for my friend. In another time, if someone ask what do I want for my birthday, I just say anything climbing gear or whatever, very general category. Sometimes for lack of anything in mind I just say "world peace".

Then in one of my crossroads in 2001, I learned from a sharing of friend that we should be specific in our prayers. Deep inside I thought this is really very self-centered and very demanding. I thought of one of the talks that said God is not a vending machine. But this friend in her sharing says that our Father in heaven even though He knows what we need and what our hearts desire is even before we ask Him, like a true father, He wants us to ask.

I remember a brother in Lingkod shared-- "the greatest desire of our heart fills a great need in the world". God is the one who placed that desire in our heart to be fulfilled-- a purpose. We were created to be instruments of His plan. We may or may not know it right now what that is in our life right now. There will be questions along the way and that is the exciting part-- in discovering these in our life.

He created us to have a full life and He wants our joy to be full, that is why He wants us to ask.

kinasal na po sila

Congratulations Paul and Mhel! May God bless your life together. Thank you for inviting us to your beautiful celebration of life and love.




Happy Anniversary to Rocky and Eve same date--May 26th.

enchanted river

Instead of going to the doctor today, I wish I will be riding a boat going to enchanted river in Hinatuan Bay to swim and bathe in the cool brackish waters.

Seafoods

I miss eating all those seafoods when I visit the project sites. Iam craving for fresh seafoods. Sarap. Pasensya na puro pagkain ang entry ko today :O) kahit tapos na maglihi si Nanay :O)

Seafood pictures from Hinatuan, Surigao del Sur and Davao.

Pagkaing Pinoy

Huge servings of Pansit and Lomi. Sarap kainin with Monay.





Pictures from Davao

That huge serving of pansit and Lomi for less than $2 US.

As I love you

The Gospel today urged me to ponder on this verse. But to be more specific during mass, I distinctly heard that I was being moved to write about "undemanding love", I thought, is it unconditional love that I am being sked to share about?

"This is my commandment: Love one another as I love you"--John 15:12

I was reminded that to truly "love" is to be undemanding, to be understanding and to be accepting of the people around us. More often than not, "if" the person did not deliver his promise(s) to do this, to serve like this, to deliver this---many expectation of ours(imagined or otherwise), the usual human reaction is to ignore the person, give him the cold shoulder, and many other forms of human behavior to let the person know that we were hurt and not ready to express our "love" and be vulnerable to this person again. More often than not, if someone or something do not "deliver" on our expectations, we inhibit to express our love, and sometimes even cease to express our love. I think we do this so as not to be vulnerable.

But to truly love is to be vulnerable. To be ready that the response to our love is nothing. And yet continue to express our love.

I believe that we are called to love the way He loves us. His love is for everyone. He became vulnerable on the cross for all of us. The greatest manifestation of His love.

Writing about it and talking about it is easy. But to truly live and love the way He loves us is difficult. Honestly examine the details of our own lives, let us look at our own shortcomings and see the evident hypocrisy in the way we sometimes express our imperfect way of love. To move from lip service to actually making this way of "loving one another" real in our lives is our daily call in everything that we do.

Lord, I pray for the grace to love the way You love us.

Salamat sa yo Nanay!

Spoons are not just for soups

A week ago the editorial of the Philippine Daily Inquirer Sunday edition gave a discourse on the Filipino child immigrant to Canada who was corrected by his lunch monitor for using a spoon while eating his lunch. The mother complained to the principal but the principal said "Madame you are in Canada, you should do what Canadians do". Eventually the issue got attention of a Canadian NGO. Issues of racism followed. Personally, I believe it was really insensitive of the teacher and principal to punish a 7 year old for using a spoon making him sit alone when he uses his spoon. It affected the child so much so that he doesn't want to eat anymore.

Filipinos use spoons to eat anything and everything not just soups. It is a cultural thing. The priest in Claret last Sunday even asked "O who wants to migrate to Canada?" as his opening sentence for his homily. The priest said "we should forgive them for they do not know what they are doing".

I mentioned to Amats "kumulo talaga ang dugo ko ng mabasa ko yung editorial na yun".

Years ago in 1997, I was with a couple of French consultants. We ate at a local restaurant where we were given a set of spoon and fork. We ordered grilled fish steak but we did not order soup. Then one of the guys asked, how are we going to eat our food? where are the knives? I answered plainly, we use our spoons.

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

click here.

Pre-natals

My monthly pre-natal check ups at the Delgado Hospital are now forthnightly. I am on my 34 to 35 weeks. It is always a bit crazy when we go to the doctor's clinic. Delgado is known to be a hospital for mother's-to-be. Since it caters to more of the "masses", patients are always over flowing in the cramped waiting room. In the back of my mind, I think I chose this particular hospital because of the unique mother and baby sculpture they have out front that I always notice years before when the jeepney I am riding passes by Kamuning street. But even now that there is no more sculpture, I still chose this hospital because huge expensive hospitals like Capitol Med or St. Lukes in my opinion are over rated and to say that these hospitals are expensive is an understatement. We cannot afford them (period).

I guess you could say after 6 months visiting my OB Gyn, I already know the routine. The clinic hours are 10 to 12 am but I learned to arrive at 11:30am and I will still arrive a few minutes earlier than my doctor. The waiting room is full of expectant nanays and tatays including toddlers that cannot be left alone in the house. Since the doctors clinics are small, there are about 8 clinics with just one, yes (1) small waiting room. The clinics are not just OB but includes a few Pedia, a Dentist, a couple of Cardio so you can just imagine the mixture of patients mingling and waiting at the (low roof) lobby. As you wait before your name is called, even if you close your ears (if you can) you'll be updated on the latest news and experience of the patients.

Eventually your name will be called and it is a rush of things. Blood pressure and weight monitored, questions asked, papers filled up.

Sometimes a bit disorienting and one can only move so fast with all the tummy protruding hehehe.

Then the monitoring of the fetal heart beat and when you hear that "life beat", the reality comes before you again, that there is actually two hearts beating within. A beat that reminds you that things will be alright, that God is in control and that He is taking care of her.

A miracle of life waiting to be born.

Baby Jane

My niece Baby Jane 1 yr and 5 months old has been confined to the hospital since the other night. Yesterday I went to visit my sister and my "pamangkin". It was a very small room, airconditioned ( at least a respite from the heat from the house in Frisco for them), my sister I guess was a bit emotionally stressed as I found her talking to a resident doctor. Later in the afternoon, the Pedia arrived saying that little Jane have unusually high bacterial count in her blood for a baby. The doctor together with two other nurse examined my little niece. All this time she was patiently just following what they would do with curious eyes (since she just woke up from afternoon nap and an occasional creased eyebrows) it is hard to know what is really bothering her for she isn't talking yet just a few words. But she can point to her tummy or throat or if she wants something. She didn't cry all this time until they poked her throat and got something white. Anyway, I realized how hard it is for mothers and doctors also to know what is happening when the patient cannot say what is happening.

Last night just before we went home, Amats and I prayed over baby Jane and layed our hands on her for her healing. It has been a while since I layed hands on the sick and it was different for the little person we are praying for is playing with our out streched hands. I just felt reassured after that all shall be well. God bless you Baby Jane.

naupud na akong thumb sa pag blog

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

what do you mean power month?

Your Birthdate: February 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

forms of writing

Last 3 days was a bit intense for me. I just discovered there is a window for a grant that was due April 30. I needed to come up with a proposal in 3 days time to meet that deadline that was yesterday. This particular opportunity I cannot pass by because we badly need additional funds this year for the project and this opportunity came at a time that we needed it.

Another deadline was Saturday April 29th, I need to finish my draft SP for final comments of my adviser and the ENRM 290 coordinator. I need to send them these copies last Saturday for them to at least have some time to comment on these as May 1st is a holiday from regular work my adviser hopefully will have time and the coordinator too. I need their final comments before I submit the final hard bound copies due May 8th at UPOU.

I was able to finish the draft SP last Saturday and finish the proposal that was due Sunday. I truly thank God for giving me enough energy to accomplish these task. I do not know where all these came from but I knew that the Divine helped me accomplish all that I needed to do.

When I felt weak I rested and when I had the energy I continued on. The summer heat is still unrelenting, pounding on our walls and literally burning our place converting our little hole into an oven. But despite all these challenges and then some on the side which I cannot publish here ( to preserve relationships hehehe) God was really generous by providing me with the strength just to keep on.

I cant believe there is enough energy left for writing in this blog. I guess there are many forms of writing and bloggin helps me come to terms with the things at hand. And to appreciate what I am truly blessed with.

I am again reaffirmed that in my weakness He is my strength.

My comfort

While I was browsing the mother's book this early afternoon, I received this note.

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." Isaiah 66:13

rooted where?

The past week was a bit full and I have experienced lots of emotional ups and downs due to many things. I was surprised that small petty things that before did not disturb me before now seems a bigger issue than I used to perceive them.

I thank God for a loving husband who understands what I am I going through. When I said sorry again for one of my guilt trips of the unloving behavior I did, Amats would say it might be your hormones acting up again.

It is difficult, being a regular woman and the monthly PMS period thing, the mood swings and all. But now during pregnancy, because of the many changes that my body is going through right now, I could hardly get a reign of these hormones. Well I believe that I am still human. But I am thankful for this experience. I think this is one of my advanced test in "patience". I am receiving the best lesson in patience specially for these nine months. But I am thankful nonetheless and will not trade this lesson. Although I feel weak many times, tired by the demands of work and daily routine.

Then in one of those weak moments--Amats reminded me: if what you do is not rooted in God, if you only rely on your own strength, then it will be difficult. Indeed.

Bakwit!

Malungkot, Masaya at Madrama ang araw na ito. Hindi ko na sana sasabihin pa ang mga detalye, saka na lang siguro, Pero naisip ko lang iblog kanina ang lahat ng sama ng loob ko sa maraming bagay, maliliit lang naman pero parang pag dumami na. Yun na.

Tanong ko nga kay God pano pa ko matututo ng "patience"? At sa isa na namang hindi inaasahan na pag kakataon sinagot Nya ako sa kakaibang paraan.

Dumaan dito isang kaibigan sa bahay at dahil sa kwentuhan, naalala ko ang Bakwit! isang documentary ng mga bata sa Mindanao. Matapos ko mapanood muli ang istorya ng buhay nila...napahiya na lang ako sa sarili ko... walang kwenta ang mga pinagbubuhusan ko ng sama ng loob kumpara sa dinadanas nila. Tinuruan ako ng Panginoon uli at ito ang maliwanag na inawit Nya sa akin... sobra akong naluha (uli) at nabuhayan ng loob. Salamat po.

Inawit ng isang batang muslim sa Maguindanao...

Isang Lahi

Kung ang tinig mo`y
Di naririnig
Ano nga bang halaga
Ng buhay sa daigdig
Darating ba ang isa ngayon
At magbabago ang panahon
Kung ang bawat pagdaing
Ay laging pabulong

Aanhin ko pa, Dito sa mundo
Ang mga matang nakikita`y Di totoo
May ngiti't luha ang likuran
At paglayang tanong ay kailan
Bakit di natin isabog ang pagmamahal

KORO:
Sundan mo nang tanaw ang buhay
Mundo ay punan mo ng saya gawing makulay
Iisa lang ang ating lahi,
Iisa lang ang ating lipi
Bakit di pagmamahal ang ialay mo
Pang-unawang tunay ang sadyang nais ko
Ang pag-damay sa kapwa`y
nandiyan sa palad mo

Di ba't ang gabi ay may wakas
Pagkatapos ng dilim ay may liwanag
Araw ay agad na sisikat
Iilawan ang ating landas
Nang magkaisa bawat nating pangarap
(Ulitin ang Koro dalawang beses)

sa palad mo......

Miyka'ela Luwalhati

Mabuhay! at mainit na pagbati mula sa Pilipinas para sa inyo Aimee, Joseph and Gabriel.
Aimee (a really good friend living in the East Coast) gave birth to a glorious little baby girl last April 21st US time. More info here.

Maligayang pagdating Miyka'ela Luwalhati--- the name says it all "glorious" marked by great beauty or splendor : Manificent! indeed Luwalhati!

Aimee, Joseph and Gabriel we are really happy for you all and Miyka! we are sending our warm tropical love from the Philippine Islands.

Your life depends on your guide

Eight Below. I really did not expect at first that this movie would be really good.

My first motivation was "ang init.. manood kaya ng malamig na movie" ...ang babaw ng rason pero the movie exceeded my expectations.

Ang galing ng cinematography dahil Antarctica ang location and the screen shots ay ang galing. Really worth to see on a wide screen. And of course it made me really excited as New Zealand was also mentioned in the film and it reminded me of the time I went to Mt. Ruapehu there.

The story is about "how you care for your friends" and it is not a corny Disney film about huskies. I was amazed how realistic the drama unfolded-- the characters of Maya and Max stood out being the the "alpha dogs". It helped me relate a lot to the film because I work within the environmental conservation circle. I love the outdoors being a mountaineer as well. The movie showed that understanding these other "beings" who also inhabit our planet can be a beautiful story where we can draw lessons of love, friendship, survival and making choices.

Mapapahiya ka minsan yung hayop mas maayos pa ang asal kaysa sa tao.

For those who hire guides to the mountains or expeditions-- this movie serves as a lesson on guideship and how to treat your guide whom your life depends on.

Watch it and brace yourself for an adventure with a heart.

Salamat sa gifts

Last few days we received gifts for baby. One is a mobile from Ina and Isabel when they visited us last Friday for dinner. Ina bought the unique mobile from her recent trip to Vietnam a week or two ago.

Saturday Carina and Elnora dropped by the house to give the "pasalubong" from Aimee (our friend based in NYC). Baby got her first complete set of medic kit complete with digital thermometer, pantangal-ng-sipon, graduated spoon and other useful things all in a portable zip up kit.

Mayang almost a month ago sent her old maternity clothes (via balikbayan box)for me as well which is a great help since now I cannot fit into any of my clothes anymore. Mayang was one of the first to give baby gifts. She gave two very full bags of brand new things for baby last January.

I did not realize until yesterday that there are so many things that a new born needs. We are preparing slowly for most of them. Thank God for all the provisions He is sending our way.

Easter people

"Behold I Make All Things New" (Rev. 21:5)

Because of His great love for us, with His act of obedience to the Father's will, Jesus makes all things new for us. Believe that there is hope because He gave us hope and forgiveness.

I pray that we will always be Easter people who believe in the glory of His resurrection.

Good Friday in Cubao

Last Friday Amats and I spent a Lenten retreat at Araneta Colesium. Our parish Immaculate Heart of Mary Parish (IHMP aka Claret church) announced that there will be an open lenten recollection. The past week there were many activities we could have attended and participated in but given my very pregnant state, we had to choose only one.

I prepared myself as in braced myself internally to expect a melancholy mood that friday morning. I expected that the topic will center on the seven last words. I guess I expected myself to be immersed with a "mourning" kind of mood.

The streets of Cubao was almost bare. No activity. Shops closed. Few cars and jeeps. But when we entered Araneta, with our patron ticket seats, we were amazed at the number of people most of them from the parishes around QC.

We arrived at the Araneta with the last scene of the play depicting the mission of San Lorenzo Ruiz. Then after this was an energetic praise song that brought me back to World Youth Day of 1995. There was an upbeat mood that I did not expect. Then the speaker for the day Bishop Bacani started his talk. The talk centered on God's love.

The audience was the masses and he was able to sustain the energy in his talk in this huge venue with stories that people can directly relate to. I believe that that was the beauty of how the message cut through these people young and old alike.

He shared a particular fictional story about his pet pig. He learned that his beloved pet is dying and he prayed to God to please save them. Then God answered him, I will save the pig with one condition, you have to be a pig yourself and when the fiesta of parish of immaculate--- and he stopped the story there. He decided ok let the pigs die then.

On a very light note, Bishop Bacani asked "how far is the distance of being God and becoming human?" and because God the Father loves us so that He gave His only son to save us from our sins. I guess many resistant hearts were touched one way or the other once again with a simple story yet the power of the message of love is palpable and real.

It was an enriching experience to be with people not just your age, beside me was an old woman who looked like my lola and I was reminded of the time that my own lola Abeng brought me to Alaminos church. Around me were children of all ages listening as well. I was energized that day. I went home not in a "mood" but I went home with a heart filled with His love.

He came to serve

Palm Sunday reminded me of some basic virtues, principles that I believe in. I now realize that even if you've of heard the story for many times the power of the message does not diminish with the passage of time.

Here was a man who "did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life for many." ( Mark 10:45).

I was moved when I read the same passage in the column of Randy David last Sunday. It made me reflect that at that time Jesus was viewed as a political figure in Israel. But He spoke of a larger vision--of God's Kingdom. I qoute Randy's Public Lives-- He detested the empty piety of people who claim to have faith but do not practice it in their lives. He was a true subversive. His framework was not the political framework of the day. His vision went beyond of those who speak for Israel.

This made me reflect on my personal life, about my climbing org's current situation, about the principles I believe in and what is happening to our country today. Indeed it is a week of reflection.

I've seen further

Sort of advance acknowledgment: I thank God for the work He has blessed me with. I am fortunate to work for a cause I believe in. Im thankful as well for the friends and colleagues that I work with in the environmental NGO world. Now that I am in my final stages of my SP my thesis in MENRM, I get by with a little help from my friends--my boss sent me this which inspired me to go on forward and finish what I started.

As Sir Isaac Newton wrote in 1675, "If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants"

Newton's apple tree, Trinity College, Cambridge, England, photo

Aspire to the Highest

Been balancing my life now with not just the technical papers I need to read up for my presentation this coming Saturday but also with my readings from Blessed Expectations from Judy Ford here are some that I want to share:

"Having a baby is a rite of passage. It's a physical, emotional, and spiritual journey that marks a turning point in your life. A baby comes into the world a fresh and innocent spirit. You're the one chosen to nurture, protect and guide her through her childhood. You're entrusted to care for her soul. There is no better opportunity than parenting to put your spirituality into action.

When your body aches and you're impatient, stop for a moment and let God into the struggle. With grace protecting you daily, you know that God is near. In these fast paced, hurry-up days, that's a windfall worth receiving."

I took note of these words of affirmation to renew my spirit, when I am weary and tired, when I feel left out of the things I want to do, when I want to help but I can't, when most of the things I use to do now take the sidelines, when my back aches, when it is too hot, when I am afraid to catch a cold and that baby might be affected. I pause and read these words again.

Spending time with kindred spirits

About a week ago, Lex and Honey spent some time here at the house just to talk and catch up. Amats and I were really happy to be able to spend time with these friends who openly share their lives. I am honored that they trust us so by generously baring their aspirations also being candid about almost anything under the sun. I can spend hours just chatting away with them. While munching on belgian chocolates, kfc, and cookies, we realized that it is a year of possibilities for all of us.

I love Weddings

Two sundays ago, we attended a wedding of good friends Ryan and Cherry. I love attending weddings as I always feel excited dressing up and looking forward to see the bride at her most beautiful. Anticipating to meet common friends, brothers and sisters.



Weddings are always a celebration. A new start and a blessing. Being able to witness this particular wedding came as an affirmation for me of our own. It was like being reminded of a time that you made the same vows to each other--for richer or for poor, in sickness and in health--- they also made personal vows to each other. Once again after almost two years it was a joy to be reminded.

Smiles that truly come from the heart as you can see in these images.



Congratulations Ryan and Cherry! May God bless indeed your new life together.

SP

SP is for special problem. No I am not having another anxiety attack. I am actually been writing my SP for my ENRM 290 -- this is the equivalent of a "thesis" and been draining my soul and energy the past days. I hope baby still has some left because when I finished last night's revision on Chapter 4 of results and discussion, I realized my feet were swollen and I am bit shaking from cerebral exhaustion.

This SP is the last requirement for me to finally graduate from Open U. I have a mock presentation at my adviser's office at DOST in Taguig on April3 then the actual presention of the SP at UPOU HQ in UPLB on April 8th. I guess i have to ask my OB again for this but it is now or never I guess--when baby arrives goodbye all school work. Why do we do the things we do?

On top of this the heat is giving me a sauna session every day (which I think is not really good for baby).

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to ponder

"I was spellbound at becoming a mother. How could God trust me so?"

--Barbara Gordon, Chappaqua, New York

At the speed of thoughts passing through me in a day, about work and family, about this season of introspection, I realized that my hands cannot keep up with my own musings.

There are alot of pondering that I wanted to share, the bliss of being an expectant mom and twin anxiety that comes along with all the emotional and physical transformation that my body and spirit is going through. I guess words won't be enough to express the many things that I am going through right now.

I also realized that this is a special time to reflect. Lent is also a time to reflect. Internal and external reflections that I pray would help me be guided in this path before me. I will only be going through this for nine months and this last few months esp this month I want to reflect on the many transformations that I am immersed upon. Share these thoughts and insights that are blessings in themselves.

A nanay book

I got the picture from this site.

I found this book in one of the sale (a huge hardbound book for less than $3 or 149 pesos only)at SM Makati, while I intended to go to Powerbooks to look into some books that would give me a boost of inspiration and deeper insight on being an expectant mother, I stumbled upon this book right at the center of SM Makati upon disembarking the MRT station and walking towards GB3. It was once again an unexpected blessing and of a book finding its way to me.

The opening verse of the book:

"At every child's birth, a mother is born"

Mga Bulaklak

International Women's Day today

I tried to look back about International Women's Day and how it started and found this:

An international celebration of education and empowerment

Around the world, International Women's Day (IWD) marks a celebration of the economic, social, cultural and political achievements for women.

The first IWD was held on 19 March 1911 in Germany, Austria, Denmark and further European countries. German women selected this date because in 1848 the Prussian king had promised the vote for women. Subsequently over one million leaflets calling for action on the right to vote were distributed throughout Germany before IWD in 1911. Now IWD is always celebrated on 8 March and is an occasion marked by women's groups around the world. This date is also commemorated at the United Nations and is designated in many countries as a national holiday. Women in every country, often divided by ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic and political differences, come together to celebrate this important date that represents equality, justice, peace and development.

http://www.internationalwomensday.com/about.asp

I was just pondering on some things. I was thinking how to express my own thoughts about women in the Philippines today. I guess I was stirred by what happened at Welcome Rotonda when Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel was arrested today during a rally that aims to call attention to women's rights.

We have a president that is a woman. Let it be on record here-- that I did not vote for her. In hindsight, I am glad that I followed my woman's intuition at that time.

Isn't it ironic now celebrating women's day, that women's right to express themselves are violated. Ironic that we have the right to vote, but we have a woman seated in "power" who doesn't seem to understand the long history of struggle of women. A global historical development that in part has helped her to be where she is now.

Interesting trivia...that these things happened at a time of the lenten season when the theme color of which is purple.

Purple is also the international women's color.

The Mural in UP

Picture from INQ7.
back home, things seem to be the same, I am amazed that the streets were quiet. But I guess nothing is really what it seems.

Seemingly calm surroundings cannot mask nor contain the fire that is burning in the hearts of the Filipinos.

This image says it all...

On my way back home

On our way to Denpasar Airport to fly back home I saw this woman ahead of us. I thought this was a beautiful image of how a woman balances strength, grace, and beauty. Doing our daily chores with aplomb.

It is also an image of being on the road and going back home.

engraved in wood and stone

On the trip to the western side of the island near Tanah Lot I saw these beautiful wood carvings




Below, while walking the streets of Sanur I saw these beautiful stone carvings

Images of Bali

These pictures were taken at Tanah Lot which is considered as one of Bali's most important coastal temples.

Darurat Nasional di Filipina

This is the headline here today of the Bali Post. That our dear country was in a state of emergency on the 20th Anniversary of the EDSA Revolution.

It is sad to read emails and newsupdates from INQ7 seeing the crowd giving flowers to the soldiers that image transported me to an old memory that even at a young age at that time was a memory to be part of a country whose people care for their mother land.

Just 30 minutes after the state of emergency we were informed here in our workshop. I thought we really are now a global village. In a matter of an hour I read blogs of friends, emails from friends and online versions of broadsheets with just a click I was virtually there.

It is really a sad time para sa Pilipinas.

Where we are at Bali